Day 10 - Gracious Integration

May 9, 2014

Today was very interesting. Had PT, cranio-sacral massage, and the nurse came to change the dressing.  I also managed to stop taking the oxycodone. I realized it was not lessening the pain and was just making me angry.  So glad to be off that stuff.  It scares me.  I am thinking much more clearly and feeling more optimistic.

The highlight of the day was my massage, during which I had some interesting revelations.  I had never had that kind of massage before so I was not sure what to expect. To start with I had many distractions.  My little yippy needy dogs would not leave me alone.  They kept circling the table and pawing at it and whining.   I tried to put them in another room but they scratched at the door and whined until I let them out.  So they stayed and periodically let me know that they were still present.  The weather was warm so I opened to French doors to the patio.   No sooner than I had settled in, the emergency sirens started.  My 1 hour massage was half filled with these distraction.  Interesting that that is the story of my life.  Seems no matter what I am trying to do there are constant distractions and demands on my attention and time.

Eventually I settled into the experience and began to feel some effects.   I felt a gentle pulsing and wonderfully relaxed.   He spent a good deal of his time focusing on my hip.  When he began to work on my neck and head I began to notice colors, mostly white.  eventually it became even more interesting.  When he was focusing on the right side of my head the light was bright.  When he moved to the left side it became dark.  Finally at the end when he placed both hands on the top of my head I saw a bright white light and eventually yellow began to spread over it.  I found that most interesting as that is not a color I usually see. I mostly see blues and greens.  I need to explore this.

When we were through we talked about our experiences.   He said one thing that really struck him was when he was focusing on my hip.  As he worked on it the phrase "gracious integration" kept going through his head.  When he told me this I was astounded.  Two things that my yoga instructor said to me when I was preparing for surgery came back to me.  She said it will take time and that my "software will need time to get use to my hardware".  I found this image so helpful and encouraging.  It helped me to attempt to understand the need to be patient.  She also presented the image of how a tree over time will grow around a rope that has been tied around it until it becomes part of the tree.  The same thing wil happen with my hip.  My soft tissure will eventually embrace and stabalize my new hip.  The phrase "gracious integration" describes all of this perfectly.  That is what I need to tell myself as I heal...time and patience.

Stay tuned!

Namaste
Donna